Smiling at the Moon

Church of Bruce

Last night I attended “A Bruce Springsteen Eucharist to Feed Portland’s Hungry” at the Trinity Episcopal Cathedral. It was very “Portland” in that it was a totally cool event but low key and understated. No one was screaming “Broooce!” There was a big turnout and everyone was in appropriate church mode, although possibly half of them were at the last Springsteen concert in Portland, which was March 28, 2008, not that I remember.

The experience was both surreal yet totally fitting and right. The strangest part was the processional done to “Dancing in the Dark,” which was truly unusual. The priest was obviously a big fan, naturally called him “The Boss” and gave a sermon that had a prodigal son theme. He talked about Bruce’s video for “Philadelphia,” (which the band played), and how Bruce sang it live, not lip-synched, as he went walking among the poor and homeless in Philadelphia. While the priest stopped short of proclaiming Bruce as his personal savior, he clearly made the case that Bruce is someone who cares about his fellow travelers and why his songs are so truly American. It was half Bruce, half Jesus, which seemed just right.

At one point—as a Buddhist who was raised Jewish—this was all new to me—everyone stood up and shook hands with their neighbors and said, “Peace be with you.” That was lovely. The warmth and sincerity was much like the Bruce community, in which fans share love for and with our secular savior. Obviously these communal blessings are a common practice but this was my first-ever Episcopal Eucharist.

We made a generous donation when the plate came around which felt good because 100% of the money goes to feeding the hungry, which this church does on a regular basis and of course, which Bruce does via his longtime charities.

So it was a pretty authentic Bruce experience, lacking the Man himself but filled with his spirit of compassion, the merging of common and spiritual themes and some really great music. Excellent setlist! It was okay to sing along but not exactly dance in the aisles. The photo doesn’t capture the beauty of this cathedral. It was gorgeous. Couldn’t help but think what an amazing venue it would be for the actual Rev. Bruce!

Many Springsteen fans claim to be members of the Church of Bruce… I was actually there. And I was worried that Bruce would never play Portland again…

Setlist:

My City of Ruins

Dancing in the Dark ( listed as the “processional hymn”)

Streets of Philadelphia

My Hometown

Jesus Was an Only Son (the “offeratory”)

Thunder Road (during communion)

My Father’s House

The Rising (“recessional hymn”)

Hey You—Pick Up Your Crap!!!!

Dear (not) Asshole Who Leaves Dog Poop Bags in the Forest,

I know you’ll never read this—I’m writing it for me. I completely and utterly hate you. More than I hate Dick Cheney and Rush Limbaugh put together, and they both make me want to puke.

Stop leaving your dog poop bags on the hiking trails in the Hoyt Arboretum. Have you ever noticed that the convenient dispenser where you get those free bags is NEXT TO THE GIANT TRASH CONTAINER? So you take the free bags, and then you pick up your dog’s poop (judging by the volume I’d say your dog is at least 75 pounds) and then you leave the bag out in the open for the “help” to come by and discard it for you. That “help” would be me, a concerned citizen and nature lover. I have carried at least a half a ton of your dog’s crap for you back to the trash receptacle where you got the bags. Ever thought of returning them there yourself? No, you haven’t. What really pisses me off is, you think you’re being a good person. Oh, I picked up my dog’s poop. I’ll just leave it out here in plain sight so the janitorial staff can easily spot it. Wow, how helpful am I?

I’ll tell you. You’re a worthless piece of shit. You go to this incredibly beautiful place, presumably to admire the beauty as well as give your dog a place to do its business, and then you ruin it with your bags of crap.

One of these days, I’m going to catch you. It’s my fierce determination to meet you. And we’ll have a confrontation. It won’t be pleasant. My impulse would be to whack you with one of your bags of shit, but I probably won’t. I’m not violent. I just hate litterers, and you in particular.

Did I mention how much I hate you?

Hoping to encounter you soon…maybe today!

Your Unpaid Maid

Planet Xphrynth

I subscribe to evolution but I also suspect that the dramas that play out on Planet Earth didn’t start on Planet Earth. I think the positive and negative types were seeded here from other planets and galaxies, just like pioneers who settled the American west. The Middle East conflict that’s been going on for a few thousand years? A tiny drop in the bucket. It’s possible that the whole shebang started Somewhere Else far, far away. Maybe a few players got kicked out for fighting and they were told: take your damn conflict somewhere else! So they came here and it’s still going on, like some endless video game. In fact, there is that intriguing theory that our lives are ALL a video game and there’s some kid in the Pleiades playing another kid on Sirius and we’re all just pawns in their competition. Let’s set that aside for now.

Obama and the Republicans (specifically, the controlling right wing lunatic fringe) are a good example. It’s like we suddenly shifted from Stalin (bush) to Jesus. You’d think they’d be happy! At last, someone has appeared who is capable, smart, knows what he’s doing, cares about humanity, the planet, animals, peace, wealth, happiness, SURVIVAL. One would think the Republicans would be SO RELIEVED. What if their guy had gotten in? We’d all be circling the drain by now. But at the last minute, just before the guillotine was about to collectively chop off all our heads, voila! The savior! How thrilling! A leader who actually knows what he’s doing and has our best interests at heart! It could not be more radical.

So what do the Republicans do? They have a meltdown, of course. Because although they have these strange trappings that make them feel like they are Good Humans with Good Values (flag waving, war, separation, fear, hate, revenge) they vehemently oppose all positive ideas…just because. Because they are the descendants of that ancient conflict on Planet Xphrynth—the ones who were hell-bent on destroying everything, even at the expense of themselves, their families and our planet. They feel like they’re doing Good but that is their biggest illusion of all. At least Al Quaeda and Hezbollah (toss in Cheney and Rush Limbaugh) are upfront about it: we want to kill you! I totally get that. What I don’t get are creatures like that spray-tan weirdo John Boener or Moose Woman who can actually connect pre-emptive war and oil drilling with Helping Mankind. I know they believe it—that’s why I’m convinced they are descendants from the Planet Xphrynth.

The good news is: they’re losing.They’re sputtering. Their time is almost up.

So stay positive, people not from Planet Xphrynth! We’re in the lead…

Spiritual (R)evolution

Acceleration is accelerating which means more people than ever are unable to keep up. With anything.

Take technology, one of the top things people are unable to keep up with. You could spend all your waking hours frantically keeping up with today’s latest technology, and when you were finished, it would already be obsolete. So that’s a waste of time.

News occurs at Twitter pace now—the new life span of a news cycle—but by the time you’ve caught up with all the Twittering, a trillion other news cycles have come and gone and technology has advanced so much that Twitter is obsolete.

It’s too hard to keep up with outside things. What we all need to do is accelerate from within. There is infinite space and time in the present moment. You can never have enough from the outside. You’d have to eat the world. Rush Limbaugh already tried that.

The massive crisis we are in is exactly what we need. Ultimately, hopefully, it will be our great strict teacher. The next revolution will not technological but spiritual. Our president gets that. As much as he has taken on—economy, war, health care, education—he has also taken on the task of trying to make us more enlightened human beings in general. That’s where humanity is ultimately headed and circumstances will become as challenging as they need to be in order for us to morph to the next level.

The way to work though this crisis is from the inside out; if humanity can become more human, it will create all sorts of abundance.

Comedy: Never a Recession

It’s one thing that everyone is poor, roving bands of wild animals are squatting in abandoned foreclosed homes, terrorists are plotting to kill babies and the bird flu could still erupt in a sudden pandemic, but the loss of comedy seemed like the final death knell to happiness in this world. Comedians have been in a panic since January 20, when it seemed that like the rest of us, they would have to find another line of work.

But not to worry! No, Obama isn’t funny. He can form coherent sentences, knows how to open a door, dance, eat a pretzel without choking…he has all kinds of not-funny skills. So it seemed like the price we’d have to pay for competence was 4 - 8 years of not laughing at the beyond-zany foibles of our great leader. Fine, not a problem—too much to do, world is on the brink, no time for hilarity.

Butyaknow, America may be out of money but we’re not out of laughs. In fact, who knew? The Republican leaders haven’t just been hoarding cash—they’ve been hoarding humor—and now that they are the Biggest Losers, they’ve unleashed their heretofore secret treasure trove of hilarity. Are there any Bobby Jindal tee-shirts left?

I work hard at writing but it would take me years to craft a speech funnier than the Republican Response to President Obama’s speech to Congress Tuesday night. Jindal probably wrote that masterpiece in just a few hours! Frightening display of comedic talent. I’m in awe. The government is incapable of handling a major crisis so let’s not have government… Republicans have completely messed things up and destroyed the public trust…so trust the Republicans! Gosh, the sly wit, the subtle jabs, the flat out bold banana peel jocularity! And all delivered with the sophistication of a Bar Mitzvah speech!

America is in good shape. Norman Cousins pointed out the virtues of laughter and now we can rest assured that no matter how brilliant, capable, inspirational and forward-thinking this super-unfunny president might be (the nerve), we’ll have Bobby, Man-Tan Boner (sorry, haha Bay-ner), Moose Woman and all our favorite comedy headliners to keep us entertained for the foreseeable future.

Come on bird flu! We can handle it!

Republicans

Republicans are really getting on my nerves. I’m trying to be like our president (and a good Buddhist) and be welcoming and non-judgmental but it annoys me that they’re trying to ruin everything. I don’t hate all Republicans—I love my Republican neighbors, for example—fine people who embody the sound ideological values Republicans were all about in the first place, before the party got bent out of shape. Republican values have been subverted by what Buddhism calls the three poisons: greed, anger and foolishness.

Republicans are trying to screw Obama. The same thing happened with Clinton. Those Republicans who had no interns falling all over them were so jealous of Bill, they impeached him. Then Bush comes along and leaves a world-wide swath of destruction, plunders our country, and he’s sitting on a ranch eating pretzels. The Republicans hate Obama because like Clinton, he is everything they aren’t. And way more. They have no one in the same time zone as Obama. Obama has come to enable all of us to do (another Buddhist term) our Human Revolution. We are all coming to grips with our karma, both collectively and individually. Bullshit, of any nature or variety, is no longer an effective way of life.

It’s very exciting but it sure isn’t going to be easy. Actually making changes is so very much harder than talking about them. Recognizing the problem is not the solution to the problem. Obama wants to actually walk the walk with us, help us all face reality, make the necessary changes and change humanity. Republicans want to keep the status quo, maintain their 19th century values, remain separatist and oblivious to everyone else. It’s tough to watch them attack Obama, when they should be kissing his robe because at last, someone has come to restore us to our senses, but it will all play out. I have confidence. The energy now is that truth will out, bullshit will be revealed, all karma is coming home to roost.

Just a heads-up, Republicans.

Two lips for Tulips

My friend Barbara gave me some gorgeous tulips, my favorite flower. Flowers are the highest physical expression of spirituality, whose only purpose is to provide unparalleled beauty and the elevation of human consciousness. Tulips look like candy, lollipops in particular, but no one eats them. Flowers generally are not edible—mostly exempt from the nasty food chain. No one preys on flowers, except for some delinquent squirrels and critters who don’t know any better. Bees service them, sun and rain nurture them, humans worship them. They are the natural jewels of Mother Earth.

Tulips have a shy scent, nothing too showy. They smell like a sunny day. You have to stick your face right inside them to detect the scent, which I am only too happy to do. Making sweet love to tulips is about as sublime as it gets. Look at the color of this bunch—it’s sensationally rich—red or pink? Red, no pink, no red. Red-pink, depending on the light. Shiny too. I put them out in the sun and they burst open, sun-soakers that they are. Some of the petals were so eager they flipped back like an umbrella on a windy day. I took them inside and popped the petals back to their original, huggy state.So sweet.

Kiss tulips this spring. They are to lips made for kissing…

What Condition I’m In

This post is a condensation of an article I wrote last July for the Horizon, the Buddhist newsletter I publish.

If you’re pretty old, you’ll remember a song from 1968 by Kenny Rogers and The First Edition called “Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In).” One verse goes like this:

I pushed my soul in a deep dark hole and then I followed it in
I watched myself crawlin’ out as I was a-crawlin’ in
I got up so tight I couldn’t unwind
I saw so much I broke my mind
I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in
(yeah, yeah, oh-yeah, what condition my condition was in)

(Mickey Newbury)

The song was considered to be kind of psychedelic with veiled drug references, but those enigmatic lyrics bring up a vital issue—is your condition passive or active? According to the above description of hell, this character is seriously messed up. But his solution seems to be not to take responsibility, but to remain in a hellish state, dropping in once in awhile to see if anything has changed. Bad approach. If you have to drop in to check up on your condition, who’s minding your condition when you’re not there?

There’s a world of difference between observing and taking action. One is to hope things will change, the other is to be creative and do something. Oh dear, I fell in a ditch. What a bummer. Maybe I’ll get out someday. That’s observing a situation. Observing can be useful, but to be effective, it should lead to action. I choose not to stay in the ditch. I will climb out! That’s the creative mode, taking the appropriate action based on the discovery “I fell in a ditch.” One of humanity’s great delusions is that we’re not responsible for our lives, that there’s some committee out there, or that God fellow, that determines everyone’s circumstances. Buddhism says, I am completely and utterly responsible for everything in my life. That’s always been the good news and the bad news. But it is empowering news.

Being passive takes no effort. Life will happen no matter what, so why not just lethargically watch it go by? Some (been there) go the opposite extreme—catastrophizing about everything while feeling helpless and paralyzed. But if I’m just idly letting things happen, or worse, freaking out all the time, then I’m not at the helm of my ship, and anyone or anything could take over my life condition. The most likely suspect? Of course—devilish functions. Devilish functions are those little weasley things that sit around waiting for you to take a coffee break from your life—then they take over and turn you into a pod person.

Stuff happens. Everyone arrives on planet Earth with a personalized load of karma—some loads bigger than others. Having judgments about our karma is useless. We all have to deal with the stuff—but the way we deal with it is entirely up to us.

A Leader for All Humanity

The Pleadians, who do a lot of channeling http://www.pleiadians.com/  say that the 25 years between 1983 and 2012 are a “nanosecond” in time in which “humanity must pass through the eye of a needle.” We are moving to the next level of consciousness as a species. I was having my doubts for the longest time. Everything has been so awful for the past 8 years but now at last, something truly monumental has happened. I never could have believed that I could love our new president even more than I hated the old one. Despite the hard and difficult times ahead, those times likely won’t be about personal divisions, because we no longer have time to indulge in personal divisions. There is too much hard work that needs to be done. And humanity will grow from that. And that’s the glorious part. Evolving from the mud of the difficulties ahead, it may actually be possible to pass humanity through the eye of a needle. Obama even offered an olive branch to our enemies if they “unclench their fists.” If anyone can get fists unclenched, It’s our beautiful new president, Barack Obama.